Welcome to the 'hood

Well, it has taken one year, one month, two weeks and three days, but it seems like it's finally happening...the first glimmerings of being accepted into The MotherHood! On Fridays, I take Boo to a group called Mainly Music. It is run by the Anglican Church and basically provides a fun program based on singing, actions and rhymes for mums and their babies/toddlers to participate in. It is without a doubt, the best thing going for mums and kids in this town (yep, it's first out of two choices)!

So, there I was, watching Boo playing with the other kids after the session, and suddenly, I hear my name being called out. I look up, and two mums, who I quite like, start wending their way toward me. Slightly alarmed, I look up at them as they look down on me...."Now, you don't have to say 'yes' straight away..."

Turns out, they are part of a committee organising a Parent & Kids Expo here in September...a one-day affair designed to provide information, resources and activities for parents and their children. And why did they want my help? Turns out they think I grow vegetables. I don't. But my husband does, and everyone who walks past our backyard (which is open for the world to see), knows exactly whats going on there! So they basically thought that, given my obvious predilection for vegetables (which turns out to be non-existent) I may be interested in helping with a stall where kids get to plant their own herb/vegetable seeds to take home and look after. Without much thought, I said 'yes', and even volunteered the services of my dear hubby!

Some time after that, another lady came up to me and asked me if I was interested in coming to her Thermomix demo. Again I said 'yes' pretty much straight away. It was interesting that she asked me actually - she has lived here for many years and I would have thought she would have been more likely to ask some of the other mums to come, in preference to me. Well maybe she did and they all said 'no' and I was the last name left on her list! Who knows? I'm taking it as a positive sign that I am starting to be accepted into the 'hood. I'm also putting this down partly to the fact that I have been trying to drop hints that we will be staying here 'forever' - that we have no intention of jumping ship anytime soon. People here aren't interested in anyone they think is just a flash in the pan...that much has become clear to me. So I've been trying to score myself some brownie points...and I think it's working!

A poem

Your hand

I hold your hand in mine
You don’t know how this makes me feel

Warm and safe and protective
I am your protector
And you are now my life
Your hand, your fingers, so small and so precious
You place your trust in me
I am your mother

You are my child
I want to feel your hand clasped around mine forever
It is as if there is no other place in the world for it
Just me and you
Together
and alone

Written Saturday 14th March 2009

The inconsequential moments of motherhood...

Yesterday afternoon, one of our friends dropped in for a catch-up. He's a lovely guy, in his early 40s, single, one dog, no kids. I get the feeling that he loves his dog more than anyone or anything else in the world. Don't get me wrong, it's a nice dog - great temperament, very well-behaved, kind of cute....but hey, it's a dog. At one stage of the afternoon he even said that dogs and kids were pretty much the same. I didn't even know where to start. Anyway, let's get to the point...

So, he came in and we chatted away for a while - how his business is doing, what's happening with his ex-girlfriend who's been giving him trouble, what his parents are up to, his holiday plans, his new business idea and so on it went. I started getting a bit frustrated that the 'conversation' was all about him. What about us? What about me? What about Boo?

After he left, I wondered what I would even have had to say if he had thought to ask after me; what I've been doing. My usual answer is something along the lines of "Oh nothing much" or "Oh you know, just the usual". I find that I just tend to downplay my life as a mother with people who aren't parents....I guess I figure that what I do at home all day must just seem like mundane, boring, mind-numbing 'stuff'. But is it?

I started to think of what I do as a mother and I decided that while there's nothing in and of itself that is particularly news-worthy, all of it together amounts to just so much. What do I do? I crawl after Boo pretending to chase her. I read her stories. We play peek-a-boo. We sometimes go out if it isn't too hot. We play in the garden; feeding the ducks and chooks, hunting for the last remaining grapes on the vine, playing in the sandpit. She presses the buttons on the washing machine for me once I've loaded it up. We play with musical instruments. We make a mess in the kitchen cupboards. We sing and dance together. We eat lunch. We play with dolly and teddy. We feed the fish. We play hide and seek. We blow bubbles. It's all completely inconsequential. It's hardly worthy of conversation. Even my hubby only gets the highlights - what new word Boo tried to say, where she tried to climb, what her latest accident involved...

But it is these inconsequential moments of motherhood, that fill our days and our weeks and our months that indeed hold within them the power to transform the human race. I know that what I am doing, very intentionally, is raising a new member of the human race...someone with the capacity to understand that we are always kind to others, that we take responsibility for our actions, that we show love and gratitude to all, that we commune with our creator, that all are actions in this world have an influence on the progress of our soul in the next...A day in the life of a mother may not make for great conversation but it WILL make for a great planet. And that's not inconsequential at all.

Making friends, building communities

I've been in this town now for one year and one month. In the whole of the first year I was here, I made a grand total of ONE friend. I was actually quite impressed with myself. In the last month, however, I've made another friend. The funny thing is though, I feel closer to this new friend, whom I've known for a month, than I do to the friend that I have carefully and slowly nurtured a friendship with over the last year. Well, I guess that's the nature of friendships. The thing is, when you live in a small town, you're not spoilt for choice...you've got to make the best of what you've got. If I was in the city, I'd be home free. I could have joined an ABA group, I could have stayed in touch with the mums from my antenatal classes and of course I would have become closer to the other mothers in my previous Baha'i community. I would have been able to self-select my friends and be quite comfortable in my chosen circle.

Not here though. Sometimes I have felt that I have to pretend to be something else...which I just can't do. I still remember the day I put Boo in my Ergo carrier and headed off to the mum's group. It was the middle of winter and she was so snug and warm against my body - it was great! I arrived at the door, there were a few massive prams outside and I could barely squeeze into the room for the number of awkward, unwieldy prams crowding the inner space as well. I felt everyone's eyes on me, the newcomer. I'm sure some mums hadn't even seen a baby carrier before...the eyeballs were literally rolling on the floor. Well, I tried to be nonchalant and even when Boo started to grizzle, I walked into an adjoining room, did a quick few laps of the room, and voila, she was asleep!

Anyway, I digress. It's really important for mothers to maintain contact with the 'outside' world. It can be very easy to lose touch with others and become confined to your own home. This has happened to me - partly because I have found it hard to make friends here and partly because the relentless heat does make it difficult to go out for very long, if at all. But I am relishing having a friend who lives walking distance from me, and whose company I enjoy and can feel at ease with. I feel like I am free to be me, which is the most important thing in a true friendship - not having to worry about what you say and how you say it. I am relieved.

Since becoming a mother, I have realised that noone was ever meant to be at home by themselves 24/7 with one or more children. It is unnatual and extremely difficult. I no longer wonder why the incidence of post-natal depression is so high in Australia and getting higher. There needs to be more support for mothers and parents in general. I long for the days when extended family or closely-knit communities come back. This is what we need to raise children - the village approach. We will have happier mums and happier kids that way. So what does this look like for me - with no family nearby? It means starting to build a community around me - starting with other mothers and their children. Starting by making a friend.

A break in the weather

A cool change has swept across the town in the last few days, each day even more pleasant than the preceding one. I've been so used to days of high 30s to low 40s that I get so excited when a cool day arrives. For a start, it means that I can leave my prison barracks. Well, that is how it feels when you physically cannot leave the house after 10am in the morning. Some weeks it feels like I've been in solitary confinement and I do feel quite low.

But I made the most of the weather and feel so much better for it. Yesterday, me & Boo went for a bushwalk to a nearby walk trail. She got a free ride in my Ergo backpack for the first part and then when we reached the top of the rock, she got out and enjoyed scampering over the surface, picking up rocks from one pile and putting them in another!

Today, we drove 10kms out to a salt lake. Sounds exciting huh? In winter, the lake is full (but still very salty); in summer, the water has all but gone, leaving a scaly, crystal surface. We sat in the sand by the edge of the salt for a while and then walked out into the middle. Boo enjoyed the noise her feet made as they broke through the hard, crunchy surface. She even tried a bit of the salt but wasn't too impressed!


At one point, the sun was pleasantly warm on my back and the breeze was cool and refreshing. I was gazing at my beautiful daughter, with no-one else around to interupt us. I was just so happy. This is motherhood.

Where do I start...

Photo taken at our farm

Ok, maybe I should give you a bit of background. My daughter was born 15 months ago. It was not a planned or unplanned pregnancy...it kind of just happened and my husband and I just went with the flow. I always wanted to have children so the prospect of impending motherhood excited me enormously. Fantastic, stress-free pregnancy. Peaceful, calm waterbirth at home. The first few weeks and months went very well....and then we moved house. Well, we actually moved right out of the city to a small town of around a thousand people, two and a half hours away from the nearest city. Well, we survived that...just...and eventually settled in to our new home and new life in the country. We have been here just one year now. I am still on maternity leave (unpaid of course!) and I see motherhood as my career now...until all our children are in school full time.

But I am really interested in parenting and the choices people make when it comes to how to raise their children. I would probably have to describe myself as being at almost the opposite end of the spectrum to a lot of mainstream parenting practices that I see around me...this is not necessarily intentional - I just know really clearly what I will and will not do when it comes to raising children...and that seems to set me apart a little.

Since moving here, I have made two friends (not bad huh!), but I think it may take a while before I am accepted by the majority of mothers here. This is a very conservative town...people don't generally behave too 'differently' from the norm. There are unwritten laws governing social conduct. My problem is I just can't be naffed doing things in any other way than my own! So, we'll see what happens to me (I think I'll end up being seen as a harmless, slightly eccentric, hippie mum!)

The summer here is long and very hot. Most days are well above 35 degrees Celcius (that's 95 degrees Farenheit!) and this lasts for between 5-6 months! So it's too hot to go out and there's actually not a lot to do in this town anyway. One is very much left to one's own resources. Which is why it is important that I make friends, so that I can at least visit other mums and have people over.

My daughter, let's call her Boo, is a delight and I treasure my days with her. It's not all a bed of roses though. There have been some really difficult times for me recently - over the summer holidays (6 weeks) everything closes down here - the playgroup, the mothers group, the music group, the library (that's all there is). So unless you know other people, there is quite literally, nothing to do and nowhere to go. Like I said, it's too hot to go outside after 10am and I have no family or close friends nearby. I only just survived...in fact, in the sixth week I actually did crack. But, I'm over that now, back on track, I've just made another friend (another mum who has also recently moved here) and things are starting to look up. Whew!

Am I the perfect mum?

Well, I suppose it is a sign that nobody believes in perfect parenting that my username and email address on Google were even available in the first place...well, now I'm here to dispel that myth! Ok, ok, I am kidding...I truly don't believe that I am the perfect mum...but, I am trying very hard to be the best mother that I can be. So that's really what this blog will be about...my thoughts, opinions and philosophies on parenting and motherhood in particular.

Of what it is like to be a new mum, a mum in Australia, a Baha'i mum. Of things I see around me that make me shudder, and things that bring me hope. Raising children well is the most important thing in the world. The future of our planet depends upon it. Of course everyone has their own definition of what that 'well' might look like...my own definition depends in no small part on my religious beliefs, which place the highest importance on the education and training of children.

I hope that some other mums out there in cyberspace read this blog...I'd love to hear about your journey through motherhood too. Well, that might be it for a first post...it is well after midnight and the soon-to-be subject of this blog is probably waiting for her mummy to come to bed! More soon I hope...

P.S. Ha! Somebody has created a perfectmum.blogspot blog...so maybe there IS a perfect mum out there after all! I'm obviously up for some stiff competition!