I've been in this town now for one year and one month. In the whole of the first year I was here, I made a grand total of ONE friend. I was actually quite impressed with myself. In the last month, however, I've made another friend. The funny thing is though, I feel closer to this new friend, whom I've known for a month, than I do to the friend that I have carefully and slowly nurtured a friendship with over the last year. Well, I guess that's the nature of friendships. The thing is, when you live in a small town, you're not spoilt for choice...you've got to make the best of what you've got. If I was in the city, I'd be home free. I could have joined an ABA group, I could have stayed in touch with the mums from my antenatal classes and of course I would have become closer to the other mothers in my previous Baha'i community. I would have been able to self-select my friends and be quite comfortable in my chosen circle.
Not here though. Sometimes I have felt that I have to pretend to be something else...which I just can't do. I still remember the day I put Boo in my Ergo carrier and headed off to the mum's group. It was the middle of winter and she was so snug and warm against my body - it was great! I arrived at the door, there were a few massive prams outside and I could barely squeeze into the room for the number of awkward, unwieldy prams crowding the inner space as well. I felt everyone's eyes on me, the newcomer. I'm sure some mums hadn't even seen a baby carrier before...the eyeballs were literally rolling on the floor. Well, I tried to be nonchalant and even when Boo started to grizzle, I walked into an adjoining room, did a quick few laps of the room, and voila, she was asleep!
Anyway, I digress. It's really important for mothers to maintain contact with the 'outside' world. It can be very easy to lose touch with others and become confined to your own home. This has happened to me - partly because I have found it hard to make friends here and partly because the relentless heat does make it difficult to go out for very long, if at all. But I am relishing having a friend who lives walking distance from me, and whose company I enjoy and can feel at ease with. I feel like I am free to be me, which is the most important thing in a true friendship - not having to worry about what you say and how you say it. I am relieved.
Since becoming a mother, I have realised that noone was ever meant to be at home by themselves 24/7 with one or more children. It is unnatual and extremely difficult. I no longer wonder why the incidence of post-natal depression is so high in Australia and getting higher. There needs to be more support for mothers and parents in general. I long for the days when extended family or closely-knit communities come back. This is what we need to raise children - the village approach. We will have happier mums and happier kids that way. So what does this look like for me - with no family nearby? It means starting to build a community around me - starting with other mothers and their children. Starting by making a friend.
